Smart Women Know When to Say No by Leman Dr. Kevin

Author:Leman, Dr. Kevin [Leman, Dr. Kevin]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Tags: SEL023000
ISBN: 9781441213846
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2010-11-30T16:00:00+00:00

Semi-Easy Steps to Accepting Imperfection

We have looked at several ways perfectionism can make life miserable for us and our loved ones. Following are steps you can take to learn how to “become imperfect.” There is much you can do to change your behavior and try to be just “a little more average,” as you get your perfectionism under control.

1. Realize you are the only one who can control your perfectionism. Notice I say “control,” not “eradicate.” That little girl who grew up to learn to be a perfectionist is still in there. She keeps whispering that you should try harder, run faster, and do more. You must take your little-girl self firmly by the hand and inform her that she is off base. You don’t have to do more and more in order to be “perfect.” You will choose to do enough, and that will be it.

For example, try lowering your standards just a bit. Instead of aiming for 100 percent, deliberately try for 80 percent, 60 percent, or even 40 percent. Dr. David Burns gives his clients this advice and adds, “See how much you enjoy the activity and how productive you become. Dare to aim at being average! It takes courage, but you may amaze yourself!”[5]

2. Women like Jill say, “But if I drop my standards, I’ll go to pot and so will everything else.” Don’t be afraid that lowering your standards will turn you into an irresponsible slob. The typical perfectionist can lower her standards a bit, but totally lose them? Never!

In fact, it will help others become more confident about approaching and relating to you because you won’t seem so invincible. You may wind up with more friends who can relax when you’re around.

3. Deal with your perfectionism in tiny steps. Perfectionism can destroy your life one blow at a time, but you can change your behavior slowly and steadily by not trying to do too much too fast. The old saying has it that “great cathedrals are built one brick at a time.” You can build your new life-style the same way.

4. Along with taking tiny steps, never look at the whole picture and try to change everything immediately. In other words, don’t say, “I’ve got to stop being a perfectionist and I’m going to stop today.” If you try to quit your perfectionism “cold turkey,” you undoubtedly will fail. Then you will get discouraged, give up, and go back to your old comfortable (but still painful and destructive) routine. In fact, give yourself the right to make a few mistakes. I have quoted Dr. David Burns’ fine book Feeling Good at several points, but I’d like to share one more excellent piece of advice that he calls, “Why it’s great to be able to make mistakes.”

Text not included because of rights restrictions.[6]

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.